“I went back to work because someone had to pay for the groceries.” Bette Davis
Let’s be honest, not all life changes are welcome or fun. Sometimes we are pushed into the transformation process by circumstances that are less than pleasant. Getting fired, watching your company dissolve around you, going through divorce, or dealing with death, are some of the difficult life events that can shove us off the cliff to reinvention.
If you’re moving into a transition because the bills need to be paid and not because of a desire for a new adventure, then here are a few things to remember.
Assigning fault or blame is less important (or useful) than creating a reality snapshot. Lots of valuable energy gets wasted every day as we try to figure out whose fault it is that things are falling apart. Placing blame, especially if it’s not on us, can be tempting and cathartic. But after that rush of feeling is over, we are still stuck with the problem or situation at hand. Much more useful is spending time creating a clear picture of your current reality with as little churning emotion as possible.
Shame doesn’t help you. Everyone makes mistakes or falls on hard times at some point. While learning from your mistakes is a great idea, wallowing in guilt and shame about every misstep is sure to slow your reinvention down to a crawl…and make you miserable.
I don’t know about your neighborhood, but my grocery store won’t accept charming conversation in exchange for produce. We go to work, go back to work, change careers, and sometimes even move to a new place because someone has to pay for the groceries, and there’s nothing wrong with that. These transitions of necessity may start off a bit tougher, but you can still emerge in a newer, more successful form.
One of my favorite authors when it comes to dealing with the tough stuff is Brene' Brown. She addresses transformation in Rising Strong